I wrote sort of OT4 for the Merlin fandom for ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cat_77. It was...different, however, I believe I have the start of a series. *g*
Title: Sacrifice
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: PG-13, mild sexual references, possible OT4, het/slash/femslash
Summary: The one in which Morgana discovers an old spell and does herself harm
The one in which Morgana discovers an old spell and does herself harm
“Morgana! Morgana! Wake up!”
The shaking was rather distracting and Morgana wondered why someone was trying to rattle her very bones out of her body.
“Morgana! Please! You've got to wake up!”
Oh, Morgana thought as she finally made out the voice that penetrated her drowsy state, Merlin.
“Merlin, what's going on? What's wrong with her?” Gwen's voice seeped through and Morgana almost opened her eyes.
Almost, but not quite. After all, if she did open her eyes Gwen may not be around any more. That she could not afford.
“Merlin, Gwen! What's wrong? What's wrong with Morgana?” Arthur's voice and his heavy boots stomped in and Morgana almost pulled herself out of it enough to yell at the three of them to just be quiet.
“Morgana! Damn it! Wake up!” Now Arthur was shaking her and if it wasn't for this part of the spell she had just cast Morgana would have hauled off and let the prat have it.
She did have to agree with Merlin on that one. Arthur was a prat and a big meany for not letting her just go to sleep. Though Morgana did try not to say those sort of things around Gwen since the other woman did seem to love the blond git.
“Merlin! Do something! She can't die. She can't!” Gwen's voice sounded desperate, as if she was on the verge of tears.
“I'm trying but it's not working!” Merlin sounded desperate and Morgana had a morbid enough sense of humor that she would have laughed out loud if she could that the all powerful wizard wasn't stronger than death.
“Merlin!” Arthur and Gwen's voices were the last thing she heard as Morgana felt death embrace her and pull her down farther into an all encompassing spiral.
Pity really, Morgana thought as she felt her heart slow to a stop, bet they'll have beautiful a baby.
The blinding sun was what eventually woke Morgana as she slowly came to. At first the young witch panicked as she moved quickly from her prone position on the ground to crouch while looking wildly around her. Had the spell not worked properly? Was she not dead?
“Where am I?” Morgana wondered aloud as she took in the garden around her and the bright mid day sun streaming down.
It wasn't any of the castle's gardens though a wall appeared to enclose the one she found herself in currently. It also did not resemble any of the ones at Morgause's place. Although she had been young when her father had died, she also did not remember any walled in gardens at Gorlois' small holding.
“Is this heaven?” After all, if her spell had worked, and Morgana was confident enough that it had, she should be dead and in some sort of afterlife.
Her only answer was bird song and the slight rustle of the sun drenched leaves when the light breeze moved them around her. Morgana straitened up from her crouching position and took tentative steps to further explore the beautiful but strange place she had come to.
As she moved around the small space she wondered if there was anyone else in the garden and attached castle. Looking up, following the tall stone wall that appeared very well made, Morgana could see that the castle was quite large. Or at least she surmised that since there were at least three stories and a parapet where she assumed soldiers would be.
“Hello?” Morgana yelled, deciding that if she was truly dead there was very little to fear from anyone able to hear her in the castle.
After a few more yells without any responding answer Morgana decided that she might as well explore the castle on her own if she wasn't going to have any tour guide. It didn't take very long for her to find the hidden door leading into the building amongst the almost overgrown vegetation. The garden defiantly looked as if someone had gone to great pains to trim the plants in a way that only looked as if the place was being allowed to run wild.
The door opened smoothly, which surprised Morgana, though she could not say why. Perhaps she was expecting things to be more run down with what appeared to be so few people about. As she moved into the hall way beyond the garden door Morgana found it surprisingly easy to see in what she would have taken for a rather dark passage.
No windows lined the cobble lined hall way, and not a single torch was set into the wall. Yet there existed as much light as if the bright sun outside was with her in the castle itself.
“Alright, that's quite strange.”
Morgana let the door to the garden fall shut behind her as she walked further in to the castle. It closed with a quiet snick that almost made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Morgana reminded herself though that she wasn't afraid. After all, she was dead right?
Morgana opened her mouth to call out again but thought better of it as she walked slowly along the wide passage way. Maybe it would be better to explore first before drawing more direct attention to herself.
After what felt like several hours later Morgana found herself in a banquet hall larger than the one in Camelot. As she walked the length of it the young witch was certain that all of Arthur's knights could have a jousting tournament with enough room left over for the spectators. In the middle of the hall sat several tables. Each one could easily seat three or four people and was crescent shape. Morgana counted them from where she stood and could see that they easily formed a perfect circle, side by side to each other. There were no chairs in the hall, just the tables arranged in a way where it would be impossible to have a beginning or end.
The tall windows on one side of the banquet hall showed Morgana that the sun had set some time during her exploration. She had gone to the very top of the castle and looked around the parapet but had found nobody prior to finding this grand hall. If Morgana was not amazed at that in and of itself, she was truly amazed at the lack of dust or decline without any apparent care takers.
“Where am I?” She wondered aloud once more. Not that she really expected someone to answer her this particular time as opposed to the several other times she had spoken the exact same thing.
“Why, you are here.”
The voice came from out of no where and Morgana spun around, one hand raised in front of her glowing green with magic.
“It's quite alright, no need to 'zap' me.” The little old man seemed friendly enough though the witch narrowed her eyes in suspicion as he walked towards her.
Highly disused robes flowed off of his bony shoulders, and his white beard reached almost past his waist. As he walked towards Morgana he appeared to be growing in height. Morgana blinked rapidly, almost disbelieving her eyes as the old man came to a halt a few feet away from her and she realized he was actually quite tall. Even taller than Arthur himself.
It was the first time in the past few hours that Morgana had thought about her foster brother and instantly she felt guilty. No doubt they were burning her funeral pyre right now back in Camelot.
“I say, are you going to fling that at me or not? I really mean you no harm.” The disarming smile and merry blue eyes were what eventually made Morgana reign in her magic and lower her arm.
“I apologize, you startled me. I really did not think there was any one else in this castle.” The sorceress said.
The old man chuckled and leaned against his staff, which Morgana could have sworn that he had not had but a minute ago.
“Tis alright, it is I who should be apologizing. I did not mean to startle you. As for the emptiness of the place I am really a very bad host. For that I apologize as well, I should have been here when you arrived earlier. But, I had not expected you quite so soon.”
Morgana could feel a radiating energy coming from the old man but was unsure if it was magical or otherwise. He seemed positively ancient, though he moved around quickly, touching the end of his staff to the various chairs at the large table rapidly. Morgana blinked once more in astonishment as lights appeared, floating in mid-air, and large platters of food strewn the tables.
“What? How?” She said as she turned to watch the old man's movements, her head tipping back to look at the floating candles above her as well.
The old man smiled at here, lying one bony finger along the side of his nose and winking at her. This made Morgana giggle. If this was the afterlife it was certainly interesting. Two seats across from each other moved away from the tables when the old man waved his staff in their direction. He sat down in one and gestured towards the other for Morgana to seat herself at.
A semi-quiet descended upon them as they both dug into the food on the table in front of them. Morgana had a brief worry about eating the food. Having died though she doubted that she was in any danger from the fairy world and so decided to give into the temptation of the wonderfully smelling meats and hot stews, picking several slices of meat with her knife and dragging it to her plate.
As she ate, she shot glances across the way at her dinner companion. Slowly Morgana become aware of a quite humming in the back ground. The sorceress looked around startled as she suddenly made out very faint words.
“It's the echos you're hearing.” The old man said, and Morgana turned to look at him.
“The what?” She asked.
“They're called the echos. Things that have happened, will happen, and will always happen.” The old man explained.
Morgana listened for a moment. The voices were hard to make out, but she swore than some of them sounded just like those of the people at Camelot's court. It gave Morgana pause but she shook her head and decided it was more her guilt making her hear what she wanted to hear.
“Now,” the old man said as he whipped his mouth on the edge of one long sleeve and pushed his trencher away, “Let's talk about what brings you here.”
Morgana nodded as she took a deep drink of her ale, wondering if she could forestall this particular conversation. Part of her wondered if the old man didn't already know and was testing her.
“You don't know?” The sorceress asked.
The old man regarded her for a long moment and Morgana resisted the urge to squirm in her seat as if she was still standing in front of Uther trying to hide a naughty deed that she'd blamed on Arthur.
“Come now, Morgana.”
Some of the darkest bluest eyes she'd ever seen stared across at her from the half moon table. They were almost a black purple in their richness. Morgana noticed that they seemed to bore through her as she tried to come up with a reason.
“Why would you leave all that you love and come to this lonely place, Morgana? What's so horrible, so nasty that you'd rather jump into the unknown than stay with those you love and face it head on?”
“I did what I had to.” The witch answered defensively. She tried to keep the whiniest out of her voice.
One bushy,white eyebrow raised and Morgana lowered her gaze to look at the knife she was fiddling with. Really, she didn't even know this old man and he had the ability to make her more nervous than both Arthur and Merlin combined.
“Morgana, really. I just want to know why.”
The question sounded so reasonable that Morgana wondered why she just didn't tell him. After all, this...this after place. This somewhere else shouldn't worry her, nor anyone she met here. It's not like they could judge her the way...
Morgana reminded herself that she wasn't going to think about them right now. It would be better if she didn't anyhow. At least for a few days. Or at least until she could do so with out feeling like a part of her had been ripped away.
“I had to. It was what they wanted.” She answered after a long pause.
The old man started at here, waiting for her to continue. Morgana was unsure at first but then relented and took a deep breath before letting it out, only to breath in deeply once more. This was part of the remembering part that hurt the most.
“I really had to, you see. Gwen, Arthur, they both wanted so badly....” The young woman paused and tilted her head up to look out of the tall windows.
Really, it was the stars she was looking at, not tilting her head back to stop the moisture at the corners of her eyes from spilling over. Gwen would have pulled out a hanky right away if she could see her now. Well, Gwen or...
“Here.”
Morgana took the square of cloth automatically before she could even think about it. She dabbed at the corners of her eyes as quickly as she could before turning back to look at the old man who had moved to the seat next to her. His blue eyes looked so sad that she wondered what could be wrong.
“I thank you sir.” The young woman said as she folded up the rather faded cloth and handed it back over to the bearded man.
He merely grunted and tucked it back away into the folds of his voluminous robe. After a moment Morgana decided to continue with her story. After all, the old man had asked and she felt she should at least tell him the basis of how she ended up here. He seemed to be her benefactor after all. Providing the lovely meal and the shelter of this very grand castle.
“You see, Arthur's mother, Ygraine had such problems having him that she and Uther had to resort to magic in order for Arthur to even be conceived.”
“Are you sure it was Ygraine's issue and not...” The old man's eyebrow went up again.
Morgana smiled, “Uther could sometimes be a tyrant but he would never have accused the woman he loved, nor put her aside, for any reason. He simply hid the difficulties they were having and employed a sorceress to use magic to give them a child.”
“Every life must have...”
“Exactly, and the sorceress told Uther that. But, he didn't believe it. Didn't want to believe that his request would take the life of another. And, magic that powerful is a fickle thing. Who was to say where it would strike back to maintain the balance of the universe. Who's life would be forfeit so that Uther would have an heir.”
“And...” The old man prompted her, leaning forward with his chin propped upon one fist.
“Ygraine paid that price. Her life was given back to the Universe in return for Arthur's. Uther blamed magic for a long time. He killed as many magic users as he found, he was wild in his grief. Years later, when he was near the end, only then did he tell Arthur of his creation. It was only then that he, Uther, fully understood that even in his own loss he had gained that which would bring us all something very wonderful.”
“Is he that good? Arthur? Not a prat then?” The old man asked and it made Morgana pause for a moment.
“Well, he is sometimes. A prat that is, but for the most part he is a great king. He untied many of the kingdoms so far and will no doubt bring even more peace to the land.”
“And this, Gwen. Whom is she?”
“My friend, my Queen. Arthur's Queen.” Morgana looked down, clasping her hands together tightly, and breathed deeply once more. This was the hardest part.
“I couldn't let her you see. I didn't want to take the chance....”
After a long pause long bony fingers wrapped over her own where they sat on the table in front of her.
“What chance Morgana? What did you do?”
“I gave them a child, you see. They had so many problems. Just like Uther and Ygraine.”
“You mean that Arthur asked you to help them conceive?” The old man sounded outraged.
Morgana shook her head, “No, Arthur would never ask any one that. Even though many were asking him to put Gwen aside and find a queen who could give him a child. He was convinced that just like his father, the fault lied with him. He loved Gwen, and would never do anything like that to her. So, instead he said nothing and simply had Merlin and Lancelot pass around a 'rumor' that anyone who spoke badly of the Queen would find himself at the mercy of the King's displeasure.”
The old man let out a snort of laughter and leaned back in his chair.
“I'm sure he did.”
“Yes, well. I knew how much Gwen wanted children. She's so good with them you know. So is Arthur, though he can rile them up so. They will make such great parents. I wish that I could only be there to see it.”
“And why aren't you there Morgana? You haven't told me that part yet.” The old man folded his hands together on the table and regarded her once more in that unnerving way he had.
Morgana shifted once more in her seat. It was quite like being taken to task by the tutors.
“Though the balance of magic could take anyone in exchange for the life of their child I couldn't risk the chance that it might be Gwen, or Arthur for that matter. A child should grow up with both of it's parents you know.”
“And you should know that the best, shouldn't you Morgana?” The blue eyes bore into her once more.
“How do you know so much about me?” The young woman asked.
Another snort of laughter, and then, “It's you who should ask how you came to this place. Of all the after lives why are you here, Morgana? Why this castle? Why this land?”
Morgana shook her head, the old man was insane obviously and senile to boot. Could you be senile when dead? He was dead wasn't he? After all, he was here and so was she. And, Morgana was pretty sure that she was dead.
“Why are you here, Morgana?” He asked again.
“I'm dead. Just like you. Or at least I assume you are. You yourself said this was the afterlife.” She retorted.
“So I did, but neither you nor I are dead. So, in that you are wrong.” The superior smile he flashed her made Morgana furious for some reason and she had a brief desire to wipe it off his face.
“But, I know why I'm here. Do you know why you are here?” He asked yet again.
Morgana began to fume, she'd told her story, couldn't he see?
“Yes, I've told you why I'm here. Though I do think you are wrong. I am most certainly dead. I should know since I gave my own life in sacrifice so that Gwen and Arthur's child may live.”
The old man was silent for a long time, though he continued to stare at her. Morgana refused to be intimidated in any way and stared right back at him. She could feel the tell tale tingle around the skin in her eyes that always occurred when her magic began to build. Many years and experience however gave her much more control over it, unlike when she was first learning about it all those years back under Uther's care.
“What do you want of me, old man?” Morgana kept her voice level, trying not to let any sign of her displeasure show through.
Deep blue eyes regarded her for a while longer as the wizard and sorcerer sat there in the great hall. Finally, the old man spoke.
“To live your life, Morgana. There was no need for you to give your life up for another.”
Morgana stared at the man in shocked surprise. It was maddening, his attitude and words.
“Whatever do you mean? If you are any sort of magic practitioner you should know that a life must be given for a life! It's part of the very law, nay fabric, of creation!” Was the old man dim?
The wizard pulled at his beard a few times. Yanking on it as if he was irritated but not showing any other sign of any displeasure he may be feeling.
“Morgana, you created the life of that child. Why give your own life for its? You needn't do that you know.” He talked as if speaking to a very simple child.
It bristled the sorceress to no end. She balled her fists and clenched her teeth, wondering if this was some sort of hell spawned afterlife she had fallen into instead of the original idyllic peace it had been in the garden.
“Look, old man, who are you to tell me what I can and can not do?” Morgana began to stand, her magic drawing up within her as she rose.
“On the contrary,” The wizard rose with her, his movements much smoother than one would have suspected for some one of advanced age, “I have a vested interest in your well being, Morgana. You should not be here. You should be in Camelot, instead.”
Morgana shook her head, “No, that would negate the magic it took to create the child. I will not harm my friends, nor the child within my Queen.”
“None-the-less, it is your duty to be there. The child will not survive with out your presence.”
“What?!?” The dark haired woman took a step back. “What do you mean? I created it, gave it as a gift, and my life with it....”
The old man nodded, seeing that it had finally dawned upon her.
“Exactly, you created it with your own life force. The child that resides in Queen Guinevere, is as much your child as it will be her's. Your life force and the child's life force is forever linked.”
Morgana was stunned, she had not foreseen this. The magic had taken months to research, almost a full year to understand the effects that might occur. She had thought that it was the same spell once created by Nimueh to create Arthur. If she could have she would have consulted with Nimueh, but the sorceress was not to be found. Privately Morgana wondered if she too had ended up in some sort of demon hell as Morgana herself had appeared to.
“If I...”
“If you go back, the child will remain alive as long as you do. No more, no less.” The old man said, “If you stay here, and decide to pass on to whatever awaits you...well, Queen Guinevere will loose the child and Camelot will never have an heir.”
The sorceress pondered this for a long moment.
“I used the spell that Nimueh used...didn't I?” She asked out loud.
The old man pulled a few times on his beard but ultimately nodded, “Yes, you did.”
“Then that means...”
Dark blue eyes flashed briefly and the old man waved is hand in a dismissive gesture.
“It means what it means. The fact remains, you must return. If, that is, you actually do care for...”
“I will not harm that child. As to whom I care for....very well. If I'm to return, how then? I seem to remember that the particular poison I took doesn't have an antidote.”
She had researched that particular part as well. No use letting Merlin magic up some counter spell to undo all of her hard work. They weren't children any more you know.
“No matter, you simply have to click your....um, wait. That's not right.” The old man trailed off in a mumble for a moment.
Morgana's eyes widened. It would be her luck to have some sort of feeble minded after life host.
“Oh, right. Here we go!”
Before Morgana could form a full protest, the wizard stepped forward a knocked her over the head with the end of his staff. As Morgana fell backwards from the blow she could have sworn the old man had the largest grin on his face.
“Hey! I think she's coming around!” A woman's voice called out as Morgana slowly came to.
Her head hurt and she lifted her hand to rub it only to have it captured by soft warm flesh. More voices surrounded her and light started to stream through her eyelids so she slowly pried them open.
“Hello.” There wasn't anything else to say really. Though sweet Morgana founded it slightly disconcerting when all three of her friends tried to hug her at once.
“If I am in need of taking a breath then I'm sure poor Gwen is as well.” The sorceress reminded them.
Immediately Arthur and Merlin began to fuss over the Queen who only laughed and brushed it off leaning down to give her friend one more good hug before moving to sit once more in the chair beside the bed. Though she did not relinquish the hand in her own.
Morgana smiled at that and maintained eye contact for a moment longer with the woman by her side before turning to gaze fondly at the two men. Merlin still wore a slightly worried expression and kept one hand on her leg, as if to make sure he could pull her back if she were to 'go' anywhere again. Arthur, he looked like he'd been crying. His eyes red and puffy, as he smiled at her.
“You know I love you like a sister Morgana, but if you ever...” The king started.
“Ow!” Morgana yelled and put her hand once more to her sore head as she turned to stare at Gwen.
“If you ever do something like that again I'll drag you back to kill you myself!” The young Queen said fiercely.
Both Merlin and Arthur looked at the Queen respectfully, and nodded solemnly at Morgana.
“What she said.” The wizard uttered quietly, blue eyes wide.
“Yeah, she's a mean one.” Arthur spoke from experience.
There was a moment of quiet as all four friends sat there. Then, an explosion of questions so insistent that Morgana had to put her hands to her ears and call for quiet.
“I'll tell you what happened if you cease your noise for one moment. I was bashed on the head a bit ago, no not you Gwen though you do have a rather strong way of showing your displeasure. Anyhow, I will tell you what happened. Just...just...don't be mad. Alright?”
Gwen spoke first, “How can we not be mad? You took poison Morgana...”
“Spell Gwen, not poison. The liquid merely helped the spell along.”
“Whatever it was, you tried to end your own life!” Arthur exploded, standing up to lean over her. “What were you thinking!?!”
“Arthur! Sit down!”
The King sat, looking chastised but glaring at the woman on the bed. Merlin moved further up the bed to sit closed to Morgana. Though no one missed his new position put him between her and Arthur. Both of whom continued to glare at each other for a long while.
“Enough, both of you. Arthur, you love her and are concerned. Morgana understands that, right?” This last was directed at Morgana who nodded her head which was throbbing once more.
Merlin's voice and long fingered hand reach towards her as he mumbled a simple spell and the pain lessened. The dark hair sorceress looked up and smiled gratefully at the raven wizard, who returned her look.
“Now, what were you going to tell us?” Gwen prompted.
“It began almost a year ago, and it was the most intricate bit of magic I will ever conceive.” Morgana began.
The next day found Morgana in the gardens. Her wardens having determined that there had been no ill effect on her now that her head ache was gone. Though Gwen was sitting near by with her needle point, Merlin was laying on the grass with a large tome, and Arthur was flat on his back snoring lightly in the sun with the Queen's shoeless feet resting on his stomach.
Morgana regarded them each in turn as she stood by one of the apple trees housed within the gardens. Her lips twisting into a half grin at the rather idyllic family picture this presented. Having each lost their birth families they'd made their own. It hurt to think she would ever want, no tried to leave this. She had never wanted to leave them in the first place. Had told them that repeatedly as she told her story last night.
It had been a long tale. Drawn out even more so by frequent questions and interruptions from all three of her friends. She didn't really blame them. When she got to the whole point of why she had created the spell in the first place the loud slap had startled her at the least. The complete collapse of the Queen into her arms had shaken her to her core at the most.
Gwen cried, for not only hitting her in reaction but for what she kept saying over and over was a gift. Morgana hadn't known what to do much less pull the young woman into her lap as she cried herself out, saying over and over that she was sorry to hit her.
Morgana had looked over to Arthur as he curled up on one side of her, held by Merlin from falling off the large bed.
“You needn't have done that you know.” He had repeated every few minutes. “I'd rather not loose you.”
Morgana had looked over towards Merlin who only looked on helplessly and shook his head. He didn't understand either.
Morgana stepped away from the tree and walked over to where the others were.
“Here,” the tall dark haired woman said, “for your hair, my Queen.”
Gwen smiled up at her as she fixed the blossoms in her curly hair. The pinkish color of the petals suited the rosy glow of her friend well. Their softness a good match to the smooth skin that Morgana reached out to touch.
The Queen leaned into Morgana's hand briefly before patting the bench beside her, indicating that the other woman should sit.
“Of course my Queen, as you wish.”
Gwen giggled, “You are defiantly interesting, did you know that?”
Morgana smiled, “I do try to please and amuse your highness.”
“Get a room!” Arthur grunted then groaned as Gwen used her bare feet to tickle his stomach.
To which of course Arthur responded by grabbing her feet and tickling them right back.
Eventually, this led to feathers flying around as the two pillows magicked by Merlin, and the two pillows magicked by Morgana gave up their contents as the four combatants yielded them mightily. All four slumped to the feather strewn ground while feathers still drifted down, covering almost all parts of the garden.
The quiet was soothing. A respite from the boarder disputes, creature of the week, and random mishaps. All four were in threat of falling into a light slumber when suddenly Gwen sat up abruptly, clutching her stomach.
“Oh!”
“What's wrong?” “What happened?” “Gwen?”
The smile on the young Queen and her finger on each of their mouths was enough to still them for the moment.
“I think it's quickening. Feel...” Four hands spread over the barely formed stomach.
A long moment passed of silence as they sat there, in wonder at that tiny growing soul with-in.
“How long, how many month to go?” Arthur asked.
“Morgana? When had you said you started the spell?” Merlin queried.
“About four months or so ago. It shouldn't be this soon should it?” Morgana had never experienced a pregnant woman before.
“How should I know? Mother only had me.” Merlin said, confirming that he to had never had any experience with such a thing.
“Uh, don't look at me. I'm just the King.” Arthur said defensively.
Gwen's laughter could be felt through her stomach as she chuckled.
“Usually, it's several months, around the 4th or 5th that the quickening occurs.”
“So, it's...um, normal then. Right?” Arthur asked with concern.
The Queen nodded, “Yes, your highness. It's normal.”
“Or, as normal as Morgana ever is.” Merlin grinned.
Arthur and Morgana turned twin glares on the wizard and the dark haired man was able to get just a slight head start on them before the chase was on.
“Ah, there goes your uncle Merlin and your father and your....other Mother?” Gwen said in awe.
She shook her head, figuring that the semantics would somehow work itself out before the poor thing was old enough to start talking and asking 'Are you my mother?'. Although, with her friends it could be anyone of them that the child may be asking that of.
“Well, my once and future heir, let's go find the others shall we? See what new trouble we all can get into.”
Gwen wondered off after her friends, following their yells some where within the castle. One hand protectively on her stomach as she broke into a light run as she left the feather strewn garden behind.
cat_77. It was...different, however, I believe I have the start of a series. *g*Title: Sacrifice
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: PG-13, mild sexual references, possible OT4, het/slash/femslash
Summary: The one in which Morgana discovers an old spell and does herself harm
The one in which Morgana discovers an old spell and does herself harm
“Morgana! Morgana! Wake up!”
The shaking was rather distracting and Morgana wondered why someone was trying to rattle her very bones out of her body.
“Morgana! Please! You've got to wake up!”
Oh, Morgana thought as she finally made out the voice that penetrated her drowsy state, Merlin.
“Merlin, what's going on? What's wrong with her?” Gwen's voice seeped through and Morgana almost opened her eyes.
Almost, but not quite. After all, if she did open her eyes Gwen may not be around any more. That she could not afford.
“Merlin, Gwen! What's wrong? What's wrong with Morgana?” Arthur's voice and his heavy boots stomped in and Morgana almost pulled herself out of it enough to yell at the three of them to just be quiet.
“Morgana! Damn it! Wake up!” Now Arthur was shaking her and if it wasn't for this part of the spell she had just cast Morgana would have hauled off and let the prat have it.
She did have to agree with Merlin on that one. Arthur was a prat and a big meany for not letting her just go to sleep. Though Morgana did try not to say those sort of things around Gwen since the other woman did seem to love the blond git.
“Merlin! Do something! She can't die. She can't!” Gwen's voice sounded desperate, as if she was on the verge of tears.
“I'm trying but it's not working!” Merlin sounded desperate and Morgana had a morbid enough sense of humor that she would have laughed out loud if she could that the all powerful wizard wasn't stronger than death.
“Merlin!” Arthur and Gwen's voices were the last thing she heard as Morgana felt death embrace her and pull her down farther into an all encompassing spiral.
Pity really, Morgana thought as she felt her heart slow to a stop, bet they'll have beautiful a baby.
The blinding sun was what eventually woke Morgana as she slowly came to. At first the young witch panicked as she moved quickly from her prone position on the ground to crouch while looking wildly around her. Had the spell not worked properly? Was she not dead?
“Where am I?” Morgana wondered aloud as she took in the garden around her and the bright mid day sun streaming down.
It wasn't any of the castle's gardens though a wall appeared to enclose the one she found herself in currently. It also did not resemble any of the ones at Morgause's place. Although she had been young when her father had died, she also did not remember any walled in gardens at Gorlois' small holding.
“Is this heaven?” After all, if her spell had worked, and Morgana was confident enough that it had, she should be dead and in some sort of afterlife.
Her only answer was bird song and the slight rustle of the sun drenched leaves when the light breeze moved them around her. Morgana straitened up from her crouching position and took tentative steps to further explore the beautiful but strange place she had come to.
As she moved around the small space she wondered if there was anyone else in the garden and attached castle. Looking up, following the tall stone wall that appeared very well made, Morgana could see that the castle was quite large. Or at least she surmised that since there were at least three stories and a parapet where she assumed soldiers would be.
“Hello?” Morgana yelled, deciding that if she was truly dead there was very little to fear from anyone able to hear her in the castle.
After a few more yells without any responding answer Morgana decided that she might as well explore the castle on her own if she wasn't going to have any tour guide. It didn't take very long for her to find the hidden door leading into the building amongst the almost overgrown vegetation. The garden defiantly looked as if someone had gone to great pains to trim the plants in a way that only looked as if the place was being allowed to run wild.
The door opened smoothly, which surprised Morgana, though she could not say why. Perhaps she was expecting things to be more run down with what appeared to be so few people about. As she moved into the hall way beyond the garden door Morgana found it surprisingly easy to see in what she would have taken for a rather dark passage.
No windows lined the cobble lined hall way, and not a single torch was set into the wall. Yet there existed as much light as if the bright sun outside was with her in the castle itself.
“Alright, that's quite strange.”
Morgana let the door to the garden fall shut behind her as she walked further in to the castle. It closed with a quiet snick that almost made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Morgana reminded herself though that she wasn't afraid. After all, she was dead right?
Morgana opened her mouth to call out again but thought better of it as she walked slowly along the wide passage way. Maybe it would be better to explore first before drawing more direct attention to herself.
After what felt like several hours later Morgana found herself in a banquet hall larger than the one in Camelot. As she walked the length of it the young witch was certain that all of Arthur's knights could have a jousting tournament with enough room left over for the spectators. In the middle of the hall sat several tables. Each one could easily seat three or four people and was crescent shape. Morgana counted them from where she stood and could see that they easily formed a perfect circle, side by side to each other. There were no chairs in the hall, just the tables arranged in a way where it would be impossible to have a beginning or end.
The tall windows on one side of the banquet hall showed Morgana that the sun had set some time during her exploration. She had gone to the very top of the castle and looked around the parapet but had found nobody prior to finding this grand hall. If Morgana was not amazed at that in and of itself, she was truly amazed at the lack of dust or decline without any apparent care takers.
“Where am I?” She wondered aloud once more. Not that she really expected someone to answer her this particular time as opposed to the several other times she had spoken the exact same thing.
“Why, you are here.”
The voice came from out of no where and Morgana spun around, one hand raised in front of her glowing green with magic.
“It's quite alright, no need to 'zap' me.” The little old man seemed friendly enough though the witch narrowed her eyes in suspicion as he walked towards her.
Highly disused robes flowed off of his bony shoulders, and his white beard reached almost past his waist. As he walked towards Morgana he appeared to be growing in height. Morgana blinked rapidly, almost disbelieving her eyes as the old man came to a halt a few feet away from her and she realized he was actually quite tall. Even taller than Arthur himself.
It was the first time in the past few hours that Morgana had thought about her foster brother and instantly she felt guilty. No doubt they were burning her funeral pyre right now back in Camelot.
“I say, are you going to fling that at me or not? I really mean you no harm.” The disarming smile and merry blue eyes were what eventually made Morgana reign in her magic and lower her arm.
“I apologize, you startled me. I really did not think there was any one else in this castle.” The sorceress said.
The old man chuckled and leaned against his staff, which Morgana could have sworn that he had not had but a minute ago.
“Tis alright, it is I who should be apologizing. I did not mean to startle you. As for the emptiness of the place I am really a very bad host. For that I apologize as well, I should have been here when you arrived earlier. But, I had not expected you quite so soon.”
Morgana could feel a radiating energy coming from the old man but was unsure if it was magical or otherwise. He seemed positively ancient, though he moved around quickly, touching the end of his staff to the various chairs at the large table rapidly. Morgana blinked once more in astonishment as lights appeared, floating in mid-air, and large platters of food strewn the tables.
“What? How?” She said as she turned to watch the old man's movements, her head tipping back to look at the floating candles above her as well.
The old man smiled at here, lying one bony finger along the side of his nose and winking at her. This made Morgana giggle. If this was the afterlife it was certainly interesting. Two seats across from each other moved away from the tables when the old man waved his staff in their direction. He sat down in one and gestured towards the other for Morgana to seat herself at.
A semi-quiet descended upon them as they both dug into the food on the table in front of them. Morgana had a brief worry about eating the food. Having died though she doubted that she was in any danger from the fairy world and so decided to give into the temptation of the wonderfully smelling meats and hot stews, picking several slices of meat with her knife and dragging it to her plate.
As she ate, she shot glances across the way at her dinner companion. Slowly Morgana become aware of a quite humming in the back ground. The sorceress looked around startled as she suddenly made out very faint words.
“It's the echos you're hearing.” The old man said, and Morgana turned to look at him.
“The what?” She asked.
“They're called the echos. Things that have happened, will happen, and will always happen.” The old man explained.
Morgana listened for a moment. The voices were hard to make out, but she swore than some of them sounded just like those of the people at Camelot's court. It gave Morgana pause but she shook her head and decided it was more her guilt making her hear what she wanted to hear.
“Now,” the old man said as he whipped his mouth on the edge of one long sleeve and pushed his trencher away, “Let's talk about what brings you here.”
Morgana nodded as she took a deep drink of her ale, wondering if she could forestall this particular conversation. Part of her wondered if the old man didn't already know and was testing her.
“You don't know?” The sorceress asked.
The old man regarded her for a long moment and Morgana resisted the urge to squirm in her seat as if she was still standing in front of Uther trying to hide a naughty deed that she'd blamed on Arthur.
“Come now, Morgana.”
Some of the darkest bluest eyes she'd ever seen stared across at her from the half moon table. They were almost a black purple in their richness. Morgana noticed that they seemed to bore through her as she tried to come up with a reason.
“Why would you leave all that you love and come to this lonely place, Morgana? What's so horrible, so nasty that you'd rather jump into the unknown than stay with those you love and face it head on?”
“I did what I had to.” The witch answered defensively. She tried to keep the whiniest out of her voice.
One bushy,white eyebrow raised and Morgana lowered her gaze to look at the knife she was fiddling with. Really, she didn't even know this old man and he had the ability to make her more nervous than both Arthur and Merlin combined.
“Morgana, really. I just want to know why.”
The question sounded so reasonable that Morgana wondered why she just didn't tell him. After all, this...this after place. This somewhere else shouldn't worry her, nor anyone she met here. It's not like they could judge her the way...
Morgana reminded herself that she wasn't going to think about them right now. It would be better if she didn't anyhow. At least for a few days. Or at least until she could do so with out feeling like a part of her had been ripped away.
“I had to. It was what they wanted.” She answered after a long pause.
The old man started at here, waiting for her to continue. Morgana was unsure at first but then relented and took a deep breath before letting it out, only to breath in deeply once more. This was part of the remembering part that hurt the most.
“I really had to, you see. Gwen, Arthur, they both wanted so badly....” The young woman paused and tilted her head up to look out of the tall windows.
Really, it was the stars she was looking at, not tilting her head back to stop the moisture at the corners of her eyes from spilling over. Gwen would have pulled out a hanky right away if she could see her now. Well, Gwen or...
“Here.”
Morgana took the square of cloth automatically before she could even think about it. She dabbed at the corners of her eyes as quickly as she could before turning back to look at the old man who had moved to the seat next to her. His blue eyes looked so sad that she wondered what could be wrong.
“I thank you sir.” The young woman said as she folded up the rather faded cloth and handed it back over to the bearded man.
He merely grunted and tucked it back away into the folds of his voluminous robe. After a moment Morgana decided to continue with her story. After all, the old man had asked and she felt she should at least tell him the basis of how she ended up here. He seemed to be her benefactor after all. Providing the lovely meal and the shelter of this very grand castle.
“You see, Arthur's mother, Ygraine had such problems having him that she and Uther had to resort to magic in order for Arthur to even be conceived.”
“Are you sure it was Ygraine's issue and not...” The old man's eyebrow went up again.
Morgana smiled, “Uther could sometimes be a tyrant but he would never have accused the woman he loved, nor put her aside, for any reason. He simply hid the difficulties they were having and employed a sorceress to use magic to give them a child.”
“Every life must have...”
“Exactly, and the sorceress told Uther that. But, he didn't believe it. Didn't want to believe that his request would take the life of another. And, magic that powerful is a fickle thing. Who was to say where it would strike back to maintain the balance of the universe. Who's life would be forfeit so that Uther would have an heir.”
“And...” The old man prompted her, leaning forward with his chin propped upon one fist.
“Ygraine paid that price. Her life was given back to the Universe in return for Arthur's. Uther blamed magic for a long time. He killed as many magic users as he found, he was wild in his grief. Years later, when he was near the end, only then did he tell Arthur of his creation. It was only then that he, Uther, fully understood that even in his own loss he had gained that which would bring us all something very wonderful.”
“Is he that good? Arthur? Not a prat then?” The old man asked and it made Morgana pause for a moment.
“Well, he is sometimes. A prat that is, but for the most part he is a great king. He untied many of the kingdoms so far and will no doubt bring even more peace to the land.”
“And this, Gwen. Whom is she?”
“My friend, my Queen. Arthur's Queen.” Morgana looked down, clasping her hands together tightly, and breathed deeply once more. This was the hardest part.
“I couldn't let her you see. I didn't want to take the chance....”
After a long pause long bony fingers wrapped over her own where they sat on the table in front of her.
“What chance Morgana? What did you do?”
“I gave them a child, you see. They had so many problems. Just like Uther and Ygraine.”
“You mean that Arthur asked you to help them conceive?” The old man sounded outraged.
Morgana shook her head, “No, Arthur would never ask any one that. Even though many were asking him to put Gwen aside and find a queen who could give him a child. He was convinced that just like his father, the fault lied with him. He loved Gwen, and would never do anything like that to her. So, instead he said nothing and simply had Merlin and Lancelot pass around a 'rumor' that anyone who spoke badly of the Queen would find himself at the mercy of the King's displeasure.”
The old man let out a snort of laughter and leaned back in his chair.
“I'm sure he did.”
“Yes, well. I knew how much Gwen wanted children. She's so good with them you know. So is Arthur, though he can rile them up so. They will make such great parents. I wish that I could only be there to see it.”
“And why aren't you there Morgana? You haven't told me that part yet.” The old man folded his hands together on the table and regarded her once more in that unnerving way he had.
Morgana shifted once more in her seat. It was quite like being taken to task by the tutors.
“Though the balance of magic could take anyone in exchange for the life of their child I couldn't risk the chance that it might be Gwen, or Arthur for that matter. A child should grow up with both of it's parents you know.”
“And you should know that the best, shouldn't you Morgana?” The blue eyes bore into her once more.
“How do you know so much about me?” The young woman asked.
Another snort of laughter, and then, “It's you who should ask how you came to this place. Of all the after lives why are you here, Morgana? Why this castle? Why this land?”
Morgana shook her head, the old man was insane obviously and senile to boot. Could you be senile when dead? He was dead wasn't he? After all, he was here and so was she. And, Morgana was pretty sure that she was dead.
“Why are you here, Morgana?” He asked again.
“I'm dead. Just like you. Or at least I assume you are. You yourself said this was the afterlife.” She retorted.
“So I did, but neither you nor I are dead. So, in that you are wrong.” The superior smile he flashed her made Morgana furious for some reason and she had a brief desire to wipe it off his face.
“But, I know why I'm here. Do you know why you are here?” He asked yet again.
Morgana began to fume, she'd told her story, couldn't he see?
“Yes, I've told you why I'm here. Though I do think you are wrong. I am most certainly dead. I should know since I gave my own life in sacrifice so that Gwen and Arthur's child may live.”
The old man was silent for a long time, though he continued to stare at her. Morgana refused to be intimidated in any way and stared right back at him. She could feel the tell tale tingle around the skin in her eyes that always occurred when her magic began to build. Many years and experience however gave her much more control over it, unlike when she was first learning about it all those years back under Uther's care.
“What do you want of me, old man?” Morgana kept her voice level, trying not to let any sign of her displeasure show through.
Deep blue eyes regarded her for a while longer as the wizard and sorcerer sat there in the great hall. Finally, the old man spoke.
“To live your life, Morgana. There was no need for you to give your life up for another.”
Morgana stared at the man in shocked surprise. It was maddening, his attitude and words.
“Whatever do you mean? If you are any sort of magic practitioner you should know that a life must be given for a life! It's part of the very law, nay fabric, of creation!” Was the old man dim?
The wizard pulled at his beard a few times. Yanking on it as if he was irritated but not showing any other sign of any displeasure he may be feeling.
“Morgana, you created the life of that child. Why give your own life for its? You needn't do that you know.” He talked as if speaking to a very simple child.
It bristled the sorceress to no end. She balled her fists and clenched her teeth, wondering if this was some sort of hell spawned afterlife she had fallen into instead of the original idyllic peace it had been in the garden.
“Look, old man, who are you to tell me what I can and can not do?” Morgana began to stand, her magic drawing up within her as she rose.
“On the contrary,” The wizard rose with her, his movements much smoother than one would have suspected for some one of advanced age, “I have a vested interest in your well being, Morgana. You should not be here. You should be in Camelot, instead.”
Morgana shook her head, “No, that would negate the magic it took to create the child. I will not harm my friends, nor the child within my Queen.”
“None-the-less, it is your duty to be there. The child will not survive with out your presence.”
“What?!?” The dark haired woman took a step back. “What do you mean? I created it, gave it as a gift, and my life with it....”
The old man nodded, seeing that it had finally dawned upon her.
“Exactly, you created it with your own life force. The child that resides in Queen Guinevere, is as much your child as it will be her's. Your life force and the child's life force is forever linked.”
Morgana was stunned, she had not foreseen this. The magic had taken months to research, almost a full year to understand the effects that might occur. She had thought that it was the same spell once created by Nimueh to create Arthur. If she could have she would have consulted with Nimueh, but the sorceress was not to be found. Privately Morgana wondered if she too had ended up in some sort of demon hell as Morgana herself had appeared to.
“If I...”
“If you go back, the child will remain alive as long as you do. No more, no less.” The old man said, “If you stay here, and decide to pass on to whatever awaits you...well, Queen Guinevere will loose the child and Camelot will never have an heir.”
The sorceress pondered this for a long moment.
“I used the spell that Nimueh used...didn't I?” She asked out loud.
The old man pulled a few times on his beard but ultimately nodded, “Yes, you did.”
“Then that means...”
Dark blue eyes flashed briefly and the old man waved is hand in a dismissive gesture.
“It means what it means. The fact remains, you must return. If, that is, you actually do care for...”
“I will not harm that child. As to whom I care for....very well. If I'm to return, how then? I seem to remember that the particular poison I took doesn't have an antidote.”
She had researched that particular part as well. No use letting Merlin magic up some counter spell to undo all of her hard work. They weren't children any more you know.
“No matter, you simply have to click your....um, wait. That's not right.” The old man trailed off in a mumble for a moment.
Morgana's eyes widened. It would be her luck to have some sort of feeble minded after life host.
“Oh, right. Here we go!”
Before Morgana could form a full protest, the wizard stepped forward a knocked her over the head with the end of his staff. As Morgana fell backwards from the blow she could have sworn the old man had the largest grin on his face.
“Hey! I think she's coming around!” A woman's voice called out as Morgana slowly came to.
Her head hurt and she lifted her hand to rub it only to have it captured by soft warm flesh. More voices surrounded her and light started to stream through her eyelids so she slowly pried them open.
“Hello.” There wasn't anything else to say really. Though sweet Morgana founded it slightly disconcerting when all three of her friends tried to hug her at once.
“If I am in need of taking a breath then I'm sure poor Gwen is as well.” The sorceress reminded them.
Immediately Arthur and Merlin began to fuss over the Queen who only laughed and brushed it off leaning down to give her friend one more good hug before moving to sit once more in the chair beside the bed. Though she did not relinquish the hand in her own.
Morgana smiled at that and maintained eye contact for a moment longer with the woman by her side before turning to gaze fondly at the two men. Merlin still wore a slightly worried expression and kept one hand on her leg, as if to make sure he could pull her back if she were to 'go' anywhere again. Arthur, he looked like he'd been crying. His eyes red and puffy, as he smiled at her.
“You know I love you like a sister Morgana, but if you ever...” The king started.
“Ow!” Morgana yelled and put her hand once more to her sore head as she turned to stare at Gwen.
“If you ever do something like that again I'll drag you back to kill you myself!” The young Queen said fiercely.
Both Merlin and Arthur looked at the Queen respectfully, and nodded solemnly at Morgana.
“What she said.” The wizard uttered quietly, blue eyes wide.
“Yeah, she's a mean one.” Arthur spoke from experience.
There was a moment of quiet as all four friends sat there. Then, an explosion of questions so insistent that Morgana had to put her hands to her ears and call for quiet.
“I'll tell you what happened if you cease your noise for one moment. I was bashed on the head a bit ago, no not you Gwen though you do have a rather strong way of showing your displeasure. Anyhow, I will tell you what happened. Just...just...don't be mad. Alright?”
Gwen spoke first, “How can we not be mad? You took poison Morgana...”
“Spell Gwen, not poison. The liquid merely helped the spell along.”
“Whatever it was, you tried to end your own life!” Arthur exploded, standing up to lean over her. “What were you thinking!?!”
“Arthur! Sit down!”
The King sat, looking chastised but glaring at the woman on the bed. Merlin moved further up the bed to sit closed to Morgana. Though no one missed his new position put him between her and Arthur. Both of whom continued to glare at each other for a long while.
“Enough, both of you. Arthur, you love her and are concerned. Morgana understands that, right?” This last was directed at Morgana who nodded her head which was throbbing once more.
Merlin's voice and long fingered hand reach towards her as he mumbled a simple spell and the pain lessened. The dark hair sorceress looked up and smiled gratefully at the raven wizard, who returned her look.
“Now, what were you going to tell us?” Gwen prompted.
“It began almost a year ago, and it was the most intricate bit of magic I will ever conceive.” Morgana began.
The next day found Morgana in the gardens. Her wardens having determined that there had been no ill effect on her now that her head ache was gone. Though Gwen was sitting near by with her needle point, Merlin was laying on the grass with a large tome, and Arthur was flat on his back snoring lightly in the sun with the Queen's shoeless feet resting on his stomach.
Morgana regarded them each in turn as she stood by one of the apple trees housed within the gardens. Her lips twisting into a half grin at the rather idyllic family picture this presented. Having each lost their birth families they'd made their own. It hurt to think she would ever want, no tried to leave this. She had never wanted to leave them in the first place. Had told them that repeatedly as she told her story last night.
It had been a long tale. Drawn out even more so by frequent questions and interruptions from all three of her friends. She didn't really blame them. When she got to the whole point of why she had created the spell in the first place the loud slap had startled her at the least. The complete collapse of the Queen into her arms had shaken her to her core at the most.
Gwen cried, for not only hitting her in reaction but for what she kept saying over and over was a gift. Morgana hadn't known what to do much less pull the young woman into her lap as she cried herself out, saying over and over that she was sorry to hit her.
Morgana had looked over to Arthur as he curled up on one side of her, held by Merlin from falling off the large bed.
“You needn't have done that you know.” He had repeated every few minutes. “I'd rather not loose you.”
Morgana had looked over towards Merlin who only looked on helplessly and shook his head. He didn't understand either.
Morgana stepped away from the tree and walked over to where the others were.
“Here,” the tall dark haired woman said, “for your hair, my Queen.”
Gwen smiled up at her as she fixed the blossoms in her curly hair. The pinkish color of the petals suited the rosy glow of her friend well. Their softness a good match to the smooth skin that Morgana reached out to touch.
The Queen leaned into Morgana's hand briefly before patting the bench beside her, indicating that the other woman should sit.
“Of course my Queen, as you wish.”
Gwen giggled, “You are defiantly interesting, did you know that?”
Morgana smiled, “I do try to please and amuse your highness.”
“Get a room!” Arthur grunted then groaned as Gwen used her bare feet to tickle his stomach.
To which of course Arthur responded by grabbing her feet and tickling them right back.
Eventually, this led to feathers flying around as the two pillows magicked by Merlin, and the two pillows magicked by Morgana gave up their contents as the four combatants yielded them mightily. All four slumped to the feather strewn ground while feathers still drifted down, covering almost all parts of the garden.
The quiet was soothing. A respite from the boarder disputes, creature of the week, and random mishaps. All four were in threat of falling into a light slumber when suddenly Gwen sat up abruptly, clutching her stomach.
“Oh!”
“What's wrong?” “What happened?” “Gwen?”
The smile on the young Queen and her finger on each of their mouths was enough to still them for the moment.
“I think it's quickening. Feel...” Four hands spread over the barely formed stomach.
A long moment passed of silence as they sat there, in wonder at that tiny growing soul with-in.
“How long, how many month to go?” Arthur asked.
“Morgana? When had you said you started the spell?” Merlin queried.
“About four months or so ago. It shouldn't be this soon should it?” Morgana had never experienced a pregnant woman before.
“How should I know? Mother only had me.” Merlin said, confirming that he to had never had any experience with such a thing.
“Uh, don't look at me. I'm just the King.” Arthur said defensively.
Gwen's laughter could be felt through her stomach as she chuckled.
“Usually, it's several months, around the 4th or 5th that the quickening occurs.”
“So, it's...um, normal then. Right?” Arthur asked with concern.
The Queen nodded, “Yes, your highness. It's normal.”
“Or, as normal as Morgana ever is.” Merlin grinned.
Arthur and Morgana turned twin glares on the wizard and the dark haired man was able to get just a slight head start on them before the chase was on.
“Ah, there goes your uncle Merlin and your father and your....other Mother?” Gwen said in awe.
She shook her head, figuring that the semantics would somehow work itself out before the poor thing was old enough to start talking and asking 'Are you my mother?'. Although, with her friends it could be anyone of them that the child may be asking that of.
“Well, my once and future heir, let's go find the others shall we? See what new trouble we all can get into.”
Gwen wondered off after her friends, following their yells some where within the castle. One hand protectively on her stomach as she broke into a light run as she left the feather strewn garden behind.